


bruise

by swanlaike



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Anyways, Exy, Lots of Angst, M/M, Post canon, Some Fluff, alchohol does not make the ‘ real you’ or ‘ subconscious ‘ thoughts come out., and this is rlly short, andrew getting drunk, his thoughts are not all completely true!!, honestly it’s just honest andrew, implied boydsten, sorry y’all, they live together, thinking about neil, uh my first post, your mind is altered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 00:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15303846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swanlaike/pseuds/swanlaike
Summary: hello all, this is my first post! get this; mr. selfaware andrew minyard lets himself comfortably drunk in his home & with that some pressing ( but confusing and vague ) thoughts come out to make themselves known.





	bruise

Andrew handled his alcohol well. Not enough to remind him of the punch drunk touches & late nights in his room full of whispers, but just enough to remind him of the soft sting and wish-there-were tears from cleaning.

When he closed the door behind him after Kevin and Nicky had left, he locked the door and took a breath looking at Neil perched on the window. His chest did the thing, the thing where you feel like you’re gonna cry, and it’s only for a split second. He doesn’t panic, because he gets this feeling minimum twice a day, and he knows he won’t cry. He knows he can’t cry.

He looks down at his feet, and feels Neil get up and go to the room. He can feel Neil’s glance of concern, but Neil knows Andrew will come to him when he needs him, so he closes the bedroom door behind him.

Andrew goes to the kitchen and grabs a tub of ice cream and a bottle of vodka. He pours the bottle into the tub and almost gags at the perfectly ruined ice cream. He goes to the fire escape to sit and watch nothing, while forcing himself to ingest the entire tub. As time drifts, Andrew notices the stars were less trivial than an hour before. He lets himself glance at them. They are nice.

 

He sets aside the tub and gets to open the window more, but his hands twist and turn until he can correctly find the lock. He knows he’s drunk, Andrew will forever be the definition of self aware. He takes a step back, and knows his two selves are battling. Look and love and enjoy _or_ forget and ignore and leave. He’s not allowed himself to get this intoxicated in years. But in this time, he’s alone,

in his apartment,

with his cats,

his food,

his pillows and blankets,

and his Neil.

 

He pushes his legs off the window seal and fumbles a little, legs wobbly, heart beating. He walks to the couch and wants to grab a blanket and leave Neil in peace. He doesn’t need to see Andrew like this. But it’s too bad, because it seems he’s already walking to their room. He pauses outside the door, and he knows Neil is listening.

He just takes a moment, and that feeling comes up in his chest and out his mouth. His breath whooshed out of him. A battle is happening within himself.

_Oh Neil, Neil, Neil._

He’s shaken, his brain not processing, not ignoring the fact that he’s so totally god-fucking-damn Neil’s. And how could this happen? Such a weak and primal need he gave into, all for this one very pretty boy. But another part of him, who’s not currently giving a shit, knows that not just it. This very pretty boy who he couldn’t resist wanting to touch, to feel, to understand. It was such an itch, until it became more.

He’s never forgiven himself for letting this go on, because he knows. They both know, except Neil who’s an actual delusional _child_ when it comes to Andrew, sometimes forgets. He takes another breath and opens the door. And jesus, who is winning this battle?

An unyielding and instant thought comes through. If Neil really isn’t this prettiest out there. He’s sprawled on the bed, such a boyish look to him, watching tv. Andrew frowns when he notices Neil’s in his spot and that Neil’s hair is wet and on his pillow.

Andrew sighs,

“ Shit, I really do. “

 

Neil smiles a soft smile, full of confusion at him and Andrew’s heart is shaken. And he sees the way Neil’s eyebrows shift up in acknowledgement of Andrews dragging feet and lofty head The questions for that answer are as ceaseless as Neil’s love for exy and Boyd’s love for Neil.

Andrew turns on his heel and closes the door. He knows who’s winning this war, and his body can’t handle it. He goes to the couch and grabs a blanket, lays down and takes a breath. His hands shake at his sides and he hates himself for it.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @andrewminyartd ! thanks for reading.


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